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5 Awesome Made-Up Things About Freelancing

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on November 3, 2010 in Freelance Writing Jobs
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Jenn's post on 5 Frightening Facts About the Freelance Life really put me in a bad mood, especially since I'm doing so much writing nowadays. In retaliation, here's some stuff that's completely untrue about freelancing that you probably never knew!

You Can Get by with One Client

That's certainly what I did! I get paid a bazillion words to do a monthly column and I don't see any reason to go find other work because I have it so sweet. Instead, I just write my pithy little columns myself and my editor just eats them up. That poor sucker. He doesn't even check my work. It's a sweet deal. Hi-5!

Marketing is Wholly Unnecessary

Because I'm such a big deal, people just sort of line up and ask me to do jobs. Of course I don't because I only have one client but if I wanted to work other jobs I could. I don't have a website or platform or anything, I've spent nothing on business cards, and I have never marketed myself beyond just being awesome in every way. You're welcome, everyone.

My Job has Nothing Wrong with It

At all. There's no such thing as a downside for me. All I do is I come in, like a rockstar, and type away at my column. Next time I write one I'm going experimental–I'm going to write precisely one word. I bet everyone will go nuts for it. I am going to have to clear it with my editor though because I get paid by the word and that would sort of suck to make rent. People don't get the artistic, sometimes.

Stop Asking Me About My Job

Seriously I am not going to talk about how there's something wrong. Maybe YOU are the one who has the problem. Stop trying to find things where nothing's bad. You probably like to sit around and critique other people's work while your own sucks. Stop being such a dillweed.

I'm Going to Get a Soda

This interview is over. And the soda is likely to be of the Coca-Cola variety although I could be tempted into a Fanta if the price point is right.

If you'll notice, I lost focus through this article as per usual. You're welcome. I'm going to take a bow and head out now.

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Clint Osterholz is a freelance writer who thinks he's awfully funny, and is surprisingly not a disappointment to his parents. You're always free to check out his portfolio if you'd like someone to be funny, or maybe write something a little more serious. Subscribe to my posts (only posts from this author).

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7 Comments

  1. Allena November 3, 2010 Reply

    I just want to LIKE this article. That’s all.

  2. Jennifer Mattern November 4, 2010 Reply

    You get paid a “bazillion words?” Can I start paying you in words too? :P

    • Author
      Clint November 4, 2010 Reply

      Ah crap. There goes my job as copyeditor. :(

  3. Cathy Miller November 4, 2010 Reply

    They’re made up? Another fantasy shattered.

  4. Melissa Breau November 8, 2010 Reply

    Hmmm… sounds to me like you’re not a freelancer at all – more like you work for a magazine where you get paid salary no matter what (said tongue-in-cheek by a magazine editor).

  5. Issa @ Ajeva November 9, 2010 Reply

    Wow, makes me want to live in whatever world you’re living right now. I’ll have to agree with Melissa Breau here and would rather dare you to take the risk of being a real freelancer out there. Will you?

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