Jenn's post on 5 Frightening Facts About the Freelance Life really put me in a bad mood, especially since I'm doing so much writing nowadays. In retaliation, here's some stuff that's completely untrue about freelancing that you probably never knew!
You Can Get by with One Client
That's certainly what I did! I get paid a bazillion words to do a monthly column and I don't see any reason to go find other work because I have it so sweet. Instead, I just write my pithy little columns myself and my editor just eats them up. That poor sucker. He doesn't even check my work. It's a sweet deal. Hi-5!
Marketing is Wholly Unnecessary
Because I'm such a big deal, people just sort of line up and ask me to do jobs. Of course I don't because I only have one client but if I wanted to work other jobs I could. I don't have a website or platform or anything, I've spent nothing on business cards, and I have never marketed myself beyond just being awesome in every way. You're welcome, everyone.
My Job has Nothing Wrong with It
At all. There's no such thing as a downside for me. All I do is I come in, like a rockstar, and type away at my column. Next time I write one I'm going experimental–I'm going to write precisely one word. I bet everyone will go nuts for it. I am going to have to clear it with my editor though because I get paid by the word and that would sort of suck to make rent. People don't get the artistic, sometimes.
Stop Asking Me About My Job
Seriously I am not going to talk about how there's something wrong. Maybe YOU are the one who has the problem. Stop trying to find things where nothing's bad. You probably like to sit around and critique other people's work while your own sucks. Stop being such a dillweed.
I'm Going to Get a Soda
This interview is over. And the soda is likely to be of the Coca-Cola variety although I could be tempted into a Fanta if the price point is right.
If you'll notice, I lost focus through this article as per usual. You're welcome. I'm going to take a bow and head out now.